s|lentsOu|_27

Aiyo...Kena tag liao tim..

2005-09-15T21:01:00.000-07:00

*SIGH*..boss u want to do this to me meh..I'll have to dig my brains out liao..
Hmmm...i think mine is almost as serious as my boss's..

7 things I plan to do b4 I die:
i. get married with my darling
ii. buy a house for mummy
iii. make sure my lil bro and mummy live their lives well
iv. hv my family life insurance covered
v. hv my life insurance covered
vi. have my own baby
vii. get to learn ballroom dance & compete

7 things I cud do:
i. compete in a singing contest
ii. appreciate my family
iii. earn more money to secured my life
iv. run my own cafeteria
v. write a biography of myself
vi. have sex ler of coz =P
vii. must diet

7 celebrities crushes:
i. Sammi Cheng
ii. Ellen DeGeneres
iii. Rachel McAdams
iv. Sharon Stone
v. Hilary Swank
vi. Jessica Alba
vii. Mila Jovovich

7 often repeated words:
i. diu lor
ii. chibai
iii. shit
iv. alamak
v. fuck
vi. suan le ba
vi. mai anekuan lar (dun like tat lar)

7 physical traits i look for in the same sex:
i. sweet smile
ii. lovely eyes
iii. sexy lips
iv. dimples on da cheeks
v. matured personality
vi. average body (not too fat)
vii. elegant style

wokie...i finished digging my brains out..almost squashed it too...

Flashbacks

2005-09-08T21:28:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine post up her background story in Friendster and all of a sudden..i have all these flashbacks of the environment I was brought up.

As I refresh my memories..I remembered my mom told me that when I was only 4mths in her tummy,dad got frustrated and fed up of all her vomitting and requested her to abort me..What happened was,mom didn't have the heart to do it,so she gone thru the nine mths and here I am now..standing tall and strong at the age of 20.
Well..this is just the beginning...=)

Aborting me is the first thing dad said..the next thing after i was born, I was just 5mths old,a woman came to grandma's hse shouting like a mad bitch looking for my mom.Initially my mom knew who she was a few mths back..she's my dad mistress.She came shouting that my mom took her boyfriend(my dad) away frm her..which is a total *bullshit*.So grandma settled the case by asking my dad to confront my mum..of course he don't have the guts to do it..Fine!!

Few years later at the age of 4,mom and I were living in this low cost flat,I dun really remember dad comes home often.One night,dad came home and we went out for dinner and head home after that.Late at night there was a woman came banging the gate shoutingmy mom's name and ask her to let my dad out..I wasn't really sure if this is the same woman my dad had few yrs back..Initially my mom warned dad not to go out if he still wants this family..no point of saying that though.Dad insist of going out..Two woman pulling my dad's hand in front of the gate arguing..I watched.
I remembered I bite that bitch on the wrist,and she nearly whack me..this happened when I was 4yrs old.

Mom knew dad went to Johor Bahru after that night.few days later,mom brought me along and we travelled all the way to JB to look for him by bus.During the journey,the bus we were aborted crashed into the side of the highway.The mirror next to my seat shattered and a piece of glass flew and stuck right on my left wrist.(I still hv the scar now.)

A week after the accident,dad didn't even ask about our condition..Mom's heart was shattered into pieces..later on..everynight thr will be a phonecall looking for mom..I remembered seeing mom cried everytime she received that phonecall.it was that bitch!She called to insult and scold my mom for snatching my dad away frm her..I was only at the age of 4.

Dad never came home and I hated him.I hate people calling my surname in school too..I even hated to draw my dad in the family tree house during art class.Frm the age of 5,I hated my dad so much that I told people my dad is dead.

Mom worked odd jobs,frm karaoke singer to hostess to earn money to support our living..I never had my parents to pick me up to and after school..I never complained.I thought life would be better when she met another guy(a singaporean) when I was in std 4..I called him uncle.They were married a yr later and in 1997 I had my very first little brother..i was 12 back then.They bought a house and everything seemed peacefully and wonderful.That yr in 1997,the economy collapsed and Uncle had to go back to work in Singapore..leaving mom to struggle the rest.She wasn't employed at that time too..At the end we had to sell the house and move into a smaller house.

To cut the story short..2years ago Uncle told us he had to work in China for a few mths..we believed him..and that was the last call he made to us..he never came back.
Mom and I went to investigate and get information in Singapore.All we were informed was Uncle is alive and came back to Singapore a few times.At that moment mom lost hope and knew that he didn't wana come back to this family.So she decided to file a divorce.

After all this yrs mom thought she had had enough of hardships but she never expected another hardship frm me..she had to overcome and accept the fact of her daughter is a homosexual!I felt guilty and sorry for my beloved mom of what I'd gave her in return but I do love her and will always remembered the way I was brought up..not to mention the debts she had to support our living..Fortunately,she did met a third man in her life..and he too had my mom's smiles back again..he's very kind and what I hoped most is,he would be able to lend his shoulder's for my mom whenever she needed it..and to relieve all her burdens after so many broken hearts and shit she had had all these years...

As for me,Im working hard to settle all the debts my mom had for bringing up her two little children..I will not cry of having such a hard childhood but I thank God for it instead.If i were to be brought up in a complete happy family,there are chances I would be spoilt, and do not understand what is life is all about..

My Coming-Out Experience

2005-09-06T21:47:00.000-07:00

Krystle is a lesbian teen who lived in a big city or town in Malaysia in year 2004, when this story takes place. She was 19 years old when she came out to the other side of her life. Here is Krystle's story:

I knew that I was gay or at least bi from around the age of 15-16. I used to get crushes on my friends or older female friends that I had. But back then, it didn't mean anything to me.

At about the end of age 16, I decided to tell a friend at my school who I thought I could trust and stuff. To my surprise, she was keeping the same secret from me too. Some of my other friends took it pretty well, but there were other kids at my ALL-GIRLS school who just didn't take it well, as though they came from the kampung or whatever. They just didn't take it well.

I had a few relationship with girls outside school back then,and I had ups and downs with each of them,which is normal. Well,nobody's perfect right?! I kept all these a secret from my mum as I grew up from a single parent family. I don't know how she would take it. You see, although my parents were divorced when I was at the age of 4, my dad still supports me financially in study wise. But the worse part is, he is a very,very and extremely strict man. He dislikes me going out, no matter where. He don't let me to have a boyfriend too.The best for him is for me to stay put at home.

Unfortunately, my mum found out what I'd been up to at the end of age 18 and she was extremely heartsick. She wanted to tell dad about it too..unless I promised her to withdraw myself from this kind of relationship.No choice, I decided to end the relationship and once again give it a try on boys. It turned out pretty well at the beginning but not after that..There and then, I told myself; "THIS AIN'T GONNA WORK FOR ME".

I broke my promise, and continued to have a lesbian relationship behind my mum's back. Not long after that some REAL bad issues rose up in the family and I have to move out upon my dad's permission. My stepmum actually played an important role on this issue by opening up my dad's wrong perception about lesbians. A week later mum came to know it, and I knew, I knew her heart was crushed and I was totally unacceptable.

What counts as a miracle is that I found a girlfriend, a soulmate who is matured, spiritually and mentally strong enough to go thru all these alongside with me. What's more is her life has came to a stable stage and this helps alot.

Looking back, it's already been 9months since I moved out from mum's place.Believe me, things a much better right now as other relatives in the family came to communicate and understand about us. I knew it's unfair for mum to accept who I am today but she too, came to a point to understand and non-verbally accepted us. Unexpectedly was, our mother-daughter relationship grew closer than the years before.

What I liked best about having come out:

"When I came out, I felt like the world hated me because I was teased and abused by some people. But now I just think about what people said (and still say) and just say to myself that I don't care because I am who I am and no one can take that away from me."

Everyone has different reasons for coming out..and this is mine:

"I just thought..THIS IS IT!! It is now or never I thought. I just couldn't not be myself anymore. I had to be me, not someone who wasn't me."

Overall, this is how I feel today about my coming-out experience:

"Coming out was awesome,for myself I mean. Not that I was treated right or anything, but it made me feel great, make me feel real and not fake anymore. Now I can say what I want to, who I want and I DON'T CARE ANYMORE."